absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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