Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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