Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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