I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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