Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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