good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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