sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
