i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
