Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
