hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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