he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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