i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize