I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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