you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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