i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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