I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
