is your mom at the bar?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
