i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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