Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
