someone threw a dead crab at me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize