Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
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I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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