remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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