My girlfriend figured out who you are.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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