Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Actions speak louder than pants.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize