I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
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Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
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And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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