some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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