Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
