maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
