why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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