My brain says no but my pants say off.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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