you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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