:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize