Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
