My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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