Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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