You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
