kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
