so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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