Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
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I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I will pee on everything he values.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
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On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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