Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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