i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
