the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
