FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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