i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
