shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
