Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Randomize
