hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The air taste purple.
Randomize
