My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
