In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
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Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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