before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
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Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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