i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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