What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
