I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
