im drinking this country out of the recession.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.