my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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