Texts From Last Night

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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?

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  (251): Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl? http://tfl.nu/mkwq
  Replies (38) Good night (988) Bad night (3799)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar

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  (740): They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar http://tfl.nu/y62m
  Replies (10) Good night (4859) Bad night (714)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.

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  (847): I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever. http://tfl.nu/av4z
  Replies (15) Good night (846) Bad night (4325)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.

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  (703): Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon. http://tfl.nu/bjrm
  Replies (12) Good night (5193) Bad night (1166)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands

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  (301): All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands http://tfl.nu/k9zw
  Replies (10) Good night (4488) Bad night (987)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.

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  (847): Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer. http://tfl.nu/vx01
  Replies (15) Good night (897) Bad night (4730)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals

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  (269): I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals http://tfl.nu/d194
  Replies (4) Good night (2570) Bad night (959)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring

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  (859): did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring http://tfl.nu/dlju
  Replies (24) Good night (12682) Bad night (1653)
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  (867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

  Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?

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  (867): Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting? http://tfl.nu/56t0
  Replies (2) Good night (2117) Bad night (1656)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag

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  (781): Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag http://tfl.nu/xidr
  Replies (4) Good night (2368) Bad night (884)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot

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  (304): yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot http://tfl.nu/grz5
  Replies (2) Good night (1297) Bad night (624)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?

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  (262): Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush? http://tfl.nu/mk31
  Replies (13) Good night (632) Bad night (1012)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.

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  (303): Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE. http://tfl.nu/ysj2
  Replies (13) Good night (1470) Bad night (478)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival

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  (504): Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird (504): Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival http://tfl.nu/ifc7
  Replies (1) Good night (626) Bad night (364)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!

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  (207): But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on! http://tfl.nu/iftt
  Replies (11) Good night (415) Bad night (909)

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