hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.