I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
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You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
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A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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