I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Boobs are out for the taking
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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