I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
