He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
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Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
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There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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