If that was your dad, he is hot
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
